Stars and Roses

A Bunny Tail Tale

2011-01-25T19:21:00.000-08:00

I found some short stories and thoughts I recorded in a journal over the years and thought I would share them. This one I wrote specifically for my little boys. The oldest will now be able to read the story to his younger brothers. (Thank you Drew!)

May 18, 2007

Almost everyday I see bunnies, large and small, when I am entering or leaving my office building. They usually sit munching grass watching carefully to be sure where the "big feet" are going. Today I saw a young bunny when I arrived and this afternoon there was a very small bunny sitting in the grass by my car. I must have startled this little one as it turned tail and hopped away. The funny part about this story was how I was standing in my front yard this evening hoeing weeds and a big bunny hopped right in front of me. I don't think he even saw me. He hopped quickly to my neighbors yard and sat under their tree. I wondered where the squirrels were that live in that particular tree. What would happen if the squirrel saw the bunny? Do you think they talk to each other? What do they say to each other? Maybe something like, "Mimi sure is working in her flower bed. Do you think she saw me?" "I think she did because I saw her smile at you. She won't hurt you. She loves bunnies." "I'm sure glad that big brown dog isn't there anymore. He was scary looking, but he never even chased me when he could. He was a good dog." "You are right, he never chased me either although he growled at me once."

I love considering what animals are thinking. For the most part, you can usually look deep into their eyes and see something is happening. Wonder what they think of "the big feet" around them. Remember God loves all creatures big and small. It is up to us to always be kind.

Do you remember?

2009-11-01T17:57:00.000-08:00

I was up late last night and I stumbled across the Pentagon network and watched a program about the 9/11 memorial that opened a year ago. How it came about, who designed it, how it was built, and why....

My heart was touched all over again. Remembering that day hurts. I remember watching peoples eyes and seeing such sadness and feeling overwhelmed. My memories included knowing that some day we might well be in the position of being attacked although I feel alot of that particular feeling is due to the way I was raised in the Air Force. We were ready for anything! There were alerts that our Dad responded to and I remember living in the basement in Denver base housing for a week during the Bay of Pigs incident. I was raised in the Cold and Vietnam wars. In 1966 I flew home to America in an Air Force KC135 loaded with flag draped caskets going home. I had to crawl on my hands and knees to get to my seat in the back of that plane. My life changed forever as a result.

A year and one week after 9/11 I was in New York City and then Washington DC for meetings and I saw the hurt and pain still in the eyes of the people on the subways and on the sidewalks. There was a frenetic feel about both cities that was tangible. We visited Ground Zero and the Manhattan and Tribeca firehouses. Such hallowed ground!

What has happened? Why aren't we remembering we are still at war fighting an enemy who would just as soon we all died and continues to search out ways to that end? Where have all our flags gone?

Blessings....

2009-10-18T16:52:00.000-07:00

I am sitting in my new home in Texas reveling in the quiet and beauty that is all around me. I know full well how blessed I am and I am so grateful.

This home is lush with peace and beauty. The half acre that is viewed from my living room windows is full of green trees and grass for now, but soon the leaves will be falling. I am looking forward to seeing how my "secret garden" will look dressed in new colors.

I recently invited my three grandsons to visit me in my new home for the first time and we had fun even though it rained hard the entire time they were here. We were able to walk through the woods and the creek in between showers when they first arrived and I wondered what adventure was racing through their minds as we walked. I wish I could have just let them go to roam freely and perhaps in the very near future I will be able to do that with the older two.

While they were here we had fun watching the squirrels race through the trees and one would sit on the ledge of one of the transom windows in my office. This one was smart enough to come in (so to speak) out of the rain as it sat under the eaves. The boys were so excited and ran from the office window to the bedroom windows to get a better look. Can you even begin to imagine what that squirrel was seeing as he/she looked down from that high perch at the beautiful, excited faces staring up?

My goal with my little boys is to make sure they have adventures they will remember always. Adventures are small, sometimes seemingly insignificant times that touch hearts and minds. They don't always require trips to far away places and loads of money. We have spent time sitting in the backyard watching the moon and talking about how when they lived in Arizona and I was still in Texas we were seeing the very same moon. It was at that point I told them they could always wave at the moon and they would be able to hear me say in their heart and mind that I love them to the moon and back! Ever since that conversation we have been telling each other that phrase everytime we speak on the phone and my sweet Dad and I say it too.

We are all children at heart. Some of us just wear larger clothes. Children are precious and that is how we should always treat each other. After all, that is how God sees us, isn't it?

As Time Marches On.....

2006-12-11T20:58:00.000-08:00

Time...marches on relentlessly. Sometimes there seems to be so much of it and yet, as we watch minutes fly by we can see clearly the precious losses. Recently, I have had the honor and privilege of assisting my father in his day to day life. He lives 120 miles from me and I haven't been able to go every single weekend as I so wanted to do. You see, he will very soon be 90 years old. He defies all the odds and continues to care for himself ~ living independently. He is my example and hero of the highest order! If only I will be such as he when I am 90. In my mind and heart, every second away from my Daddy is a great loss. I know all too well what it means to lose those we love dearly so I unashamedly cry for those lost seconds away from my sweet father's presence. We must honor and protect what is most precious to us while we have the time to do so. Hoard the precious moments and bless while you can! Your effort will never be wasted.

Thoughts on Prayer

2006-03-22T18:21:00.000-08:00

I love the way Max Lucado thinks! As a result, he makes me think and that is what happens on a regular basis as I use his devotional journal each morning.

Yesterday, he spoke of how God hears our prayers. He used the story of Lazarus' illness. We all know that Lazarus and Jesus were close friends who cared deeply for each other. We also know the story of how Jesus called Lazarus from the grave. Now that, my friends, should have made a believer out of anyone, but there were still doubters as there are today.

Lucado writes, "When a friend told Jesus of the illness of Lazarus he said, "Lord, the one you love is sick." He doesn't base his appeal on the imperfect love of the one in need, but on the perfect love of the Savior. He doesn't say, "The one who loves you is sick." He says, "The one you love is sick." The power of the prayer, in other words, does not depend on the one who makes the prayer, but on the one who hears the prayer. We can, and must repeat the phrase in manifold ways. "The one you love is tired, sad, hungry, lonely, fearful, depressed." The words of the prayer vary, but the response never changes. The Savior hears the prayer. He silences heaven, so he won't miss a word. He hears the prayer." Psalm 34:17

Wow! This means that I don't have to be so arrogant as to think that my prayer will be the one that will make that person well, or happy, or safe. All I have to do is recognize God's power, intercede for the person in need, and leave it in His hands. Now THAT should take the pressure off those of us who feel we have to perform to prove who we are in God's sight. We don't have to do anything to be loved by God other than accept His love. I've always loved the image of God holding us in His arms protecting us tenderly. He accepts us for who we are as vulnerable children.

Lord, please forgive my arrogance and pride.

What is Passion?

2006-03-15T18:43:00.000-08:00

My new favorite book is Grace for the Moment by Max Lucado. It is a devotional journal that someone recommended on one of the Caringbridge websites.

I have started leaving this book on my dining room table so I can read it as I eat breakfast everyday. I have been changing some of my habits and eatting at the dining room table instead of the sofa is one of those "good for me" changes. I know this sounds strange, but for years my daughter and I would carry our plates to the living room to eat and watch tv.

As I was saying, today's devotional really struck a cord with me. It is great how the Lord prepares us for His work. We all have the opportunity to do His work, big or small. I am definitely not Billy Graham, but I do have opportunities to share God's love and word daily. I so admire Billy Graham, but the scope of what I do for God is much smaller. This does not mean my passion for God is smaller or less valuable.

Max Lucado focuses on Luke 24:27 which speaks about the disciples encounters with Jesus after his crucifixion. Can you imagine how exciting that must have been? How much were they also afraid of the unknown? Living supernaturally can be frightening until you learn to trust the source. Max says, "They (the disciples) knew they had been with Jesus because of the fire within them. God reveals his will by setting a torch to your soul." And then he shares, "Jesus comes to set you on fire! He walks as a torch from heart to heart, warming the cold and thawing the chilled and stirring the ashes... He comes to purge infection and illuminate your direction."

My heart is on fire for those who have lost loved ones, but most especially for families who have lost to disease. In recent years I lost my brother to murder, my mother to cancer, two aunts to cancer and heart attacks, and my son to type 1 diabetes. I KNOW grief in a way that hurts everyday. But my grief has been overcome by my passion for the grace of God and His love for me. I sincerely want others to know Him and to experience His love through me. I want them to seek God's direction for their own grief experience and thus, their lives.

I especially love Lucado's vivid word picture of Jesus walking from heart to heart, warming and thawing and stirring while purging and illuminating. This is what those of us who grieve need to do with our own experiences. When we do, we become men and women of grace spreading God's warmth while illuminating His love.

After all, isn't that what He did with His own grief?

Trees

2006-02-02T19:45:00.000-08:00

Trees have always been important in my life. When I was five we lived in Amarillo and there was a tree in the backyard that I loved. This tree couldn't have been very big because I remember the branches hanging over the fence forming a small cave I could sit in. I felt safe and it was cozy there. I thought no one could see me. I'm not at all sure what kind of tree it was, but the leaves were hard and dark green on one side and soft, fuzzy, and silvery white on the other side. This was a place I could play with my dolls and imagine what it would be like to have my own babies.

Then there was the big elm tree in our front yard in Albuquerque on Aztec Road. My mother furnished us with a large green and black blanket that had fringe on it so we could sit under the tree and play. I remember playing dolls and boardgames for hours under that tree. That blanket was itchy against our bare legs in the heat but it leveled the grass somewhat so that our gameboards laid flat.

There were also a number of very tall and old poplar trees planted in the side yard at the house on Aztec. They always made me think of soldiers in a row. The large vegetable garden my father and I planted were near those trees. The poplars formed a barrier from the street and protected our garden from foot traffic.

When we left Aztec Rd. we moved to a brand new home on Mankin Street. This was the first home my parents had ever owned. Being in the Air Force we had only rented or lived on base so we were excited. Our first Christmas there we purposely bought a live potted Christmas tree so we could plant it in the front yard after we removed the decorations. I still have a picture of my brother Steven, age two, standing next to that little pine tree. I wonder now if it is still standing in that yard and how tall it has grown to be.

My favorite memories of trees are of pine trees in Colorado. We spent some of our vacations at my fathers' family home in Buena Vista. This was a property with a home, barn, irrigation ditches, apple orchard, and alfalfa fields. Next to the home were very old and tall pine trees that had been planted next to the homes original front door. At some point, that front room became the bedroom that my brother Paul and I slept in when we visited. One memorable summer day, I laid in that front bedroom with the door to the front porch open listening to the wind blow through those pine trees. I will never forget that moment in time. The mountain air was magical as the wind blew and whispered softly with the sweet alfalfa adding it's own fragrance. I was old enough to wonder how many of my family members had heard that same sweet sound. Perhaps my great grandmother was singing a lullaby to me with a Scottish lilt?

There were other pine trees and quaking Aspens at Cottonwood Lake on Mt. Princeton just up the mountain from my grandmothers home. This is my favorite place on earth and I hope someday to go back and take my grandboys. Paul and I spent many happy hours there chasing each other around the edge of the lake and then chasing the chipmunks that ran away. What sweet and joyous memories those are.

And now ~ there are the walnut trees at Pleasant Retreat Cemetary in Tyler, Texas. Big, majestic trees with a song from the warm East Texas wind. As they have done over a century, they provide protection, beauty, and strength as they tower over those I loved beyond words.

What memories of trees rest gently in your mind?

Challenger and My Brother

2006-01-28T17:33:00.000-08:00

Today is the 20th anniversary of the shuttle Challenger explosion. Most of us remember this as a tragedy for our nation, but for the Larkin family it holds more. My brother, Paul, was on assignment for the shuttle blastoff and was stationed directly in the stands in front of the families of the crew members. He was there as a member of the press representing the University of Colorado who had an alum on board.

You have seen my brothers work as a few of his pictures taken that day were circulated widely by AP and Reuters. The photo of the pieces of the shuttle spiraling downward were taken by my brother. He also took the initial photos of the family reactions which were published once. I have been told that the negatives of those particular photos were destroyed because my brother couldn't bare the thought of the families having to see their initial horror over and over again. You see, my brother was special in that way. He was caring and would go out of his way to make sure the people around him had what they needed ~ even at his own expense.

In 1998, Paul was murdered in Monterrey, California. As in all murders, there was absolutely no reason for this senseless act of rage. The loss of my brother in this manner changed my world and the way I view how murderers should be treated. My heart will never heal from this particular wound. He was my primary childhood playmate as we were raised in the Air Force.

When we held Paul's memorial service, we had a photo, that he had made of himself with his camera in hand, framed with an inscription that described my brother's life perfectly. "I am not born for one corner; the whole world is my native land."

and now that truly is the case......

Paul Larkin added kindness, beauty, and sensitivity to our world for too short a time, but what he added was the best of the best.

I love you Paul and you are oh so sorely missed. I miss my childhood playmate so much.

Pursuing Life (To the best of my ability)

2006-01-26T20:29:00.000-08:00

There is so much I want to experience in life, but I am easily influenced by sights and sounds that motivate me. Music in particular does that to me. I'll hear a song with a strong beat and feel invigorated and just know I can do anything! I'll hear a love song and I am instantly somewhere in another time.....sad and lonely. Fragrances and smells do the same thing. If I let all the emotion that is evoked from all that sound and smell control me there would be times I would feel as though I couldn't accomplish enough. I just baked oatmeal cookies and the house smells delicious, but it always makes me think of other times and places ~ connections with people who are no longer in my life due to death and divorce.

I know I am doing my best and doing a pretty good job, but I know there is so much more to see and do out there and people to meet! I simply can't allow old tapes, fears, emotions to keep me from being my best.

Charles Swindoll is one of my favorite authors and speakers. In particular, his book "Living on the Ragged Edge" has had a profound effect on me in the past. There is one passage that stands out for me. Quoting from his chapter titled "Be Bullish".

"We can't wait for conditions to be perfect. Nor can we wait for things to be free of all risks - absolutely free, absolutely safe. Instead of protecting ourselves, we have to release ourselves. Instead of hoarding, we are to give and invest. Instead of drifting, we are to pursue life. Instead of doubting, we are to courageously trust. We have to be bullish!"

His reference to trusting means our trust in God, regardless of our circumstances. I'm willing to trust God. He's been so gracious and has protected me this far. Why would He not do so now?

How bullish are you willing to be?

In the beginning....

2006-01-25T21:03:00.000-08:00

Yes, I quote from John 1:1 for my first post on my first blog. "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." This scripture has held fascination for me from the time I was very young and it wasn't until much later that I fully understood the real meaning.

Those who know me also know that I have a strong belief system that sustains me. Through all I have lived and endured, my saving grace has been His.

There is a poem that has meant alot to me over the years and sharing it with others during times of grief has helped me to explain what it means to live in the moment. Written by Helen Mallicoat it reads:

I was regretting the past and fearing the future.
Suddenly my Lord was speaking:

"My name is I Am." He paused.
I waited. He continued,
"When you live in the past,
with its mistakes and regrest,
it is hard. I am not there.
My name is not I Was.
When you live in the future,
with its problems and fears,
it is hard. I am not there.
My name is not I Will Be.
When you live in this moment,
it is not hard. I am here.
My name is I Am."

I've come to the conclusion that living in the past or the future does nothing but zap our energy. Energy we need to move forward by living fully in this moment.

Whose time are you wasting?